Twas the Night Before Paleo

with visions of raw veggies dancing in my head.

Things I am looking forward to:

(and are hoping are positive effects of the detox)

* not getting sick 2x day 

*not waking up with stomach cramps

* bye-bye fatigue

*to begin to feel like myself again-

i.e. Go grocery shopping and not come home feeling like I ran a marathon and being EXHAUSTED!

Not needing a nap to survive the day.

Things I am going to miss:

*grains-I love my carbs.

*gum-I am going to cheat and chew gum when I'm on the airplane.

I still get CRAZY INTENSE ear pain.

But that goes back to another issue I have...

*quick and easy meals

Things I am scared about:

*I don't like a lot of meat. I'm almost vegetarian.

I sure don't like preparing it.

*It not changing my current inflammation and other diseases.

I have been so encouraged by reading blogs and responses on the website.

This girl's blog describes my life these last few years.

Add my other 2 autoimmune diseases and their side effects and that's me.

I'm secretly hoping to find myself again.

Currently, I'm hidden under disease, medications, and weight.

*Life post 30

What if this works? Will I never have bread and dairy again?

To feel good=totally worth it.

But, not to eat Mexican food when we come back to Texas? That sounds tragic!

So here we go!

DOUBLE the Blessing

This coming June marks 5 years since I saw a + instantly appear on a pregnancy test.

*clue # 1: instantly

I was a few days late in my cycle and was about to go to Vegas on vacation with my HUBS.

Just trying to pack. Not expecting anything. It had been 9 months of " - " so why should this time be any different.

I was just so exhausted walking around Vegas.

Really winded when working out-more so than usual.

I was just 5 weeks which was a little early to be having symptoms.

*clue #2 pregnancy symptoms early

Six weeks to the day I start vomiting.

And can not stop.

I didn't leave my bed for 5 weeks. 

I mean when I rolled over in bed-sick.

Zofran twice a day is the only way I made it the entire 37.5 weeks!

* clue # 3 MAJOR SICKNESS

At 10 weeks I FINALLY got to go in for my first appointment.

Click here to read about the MOST SHOCKING DAY OF MY LIFE!

I am participating in Kelly's Show us Your Life-Multiple Style!

Let me say that having TWINS is by far the BIGGEST, MOST UNEXPECTED BLESSING in my life and it brings me the GREATEST JOY to be their mama.

It's not an easy job, but being a mom isn't easy!

(I don't remember the first 3 weeks other than crying-all 3 of us!)

But watching the deep and precious friendship between these 2 boys is pure joy!

Yes, they have their own language. The understand each other without even speaking. They know what the other one wants without even saying.

Through the last 3 years and 10 months of our infertility journey and all my chronic illness, I have looked at my sweet boys and they are what keeps me going!

So for those new twin mamas out there-

no...it's not double trouble.

I miss those infant twin days-football holds and arms shaking from carrying 2 heavy carriers.

I ADORE my twins and couldn't imagine building a family any other way.

WHOLE-LY 30!

April 1st I am beginning an experiment.

A Whole 30 experiment.

I'm nervous of failure. What if this is too hard?

Worried about what to eat...I'm not a huge meat eater. 

Actually, I haven't had pork for over 20 years.

Beef-over 15 years.

Never had seafood.

Hate eggs.

I don't prepare chicken. That's Michael's job.

But...if this could help all the things going on, I'll try it!

Currently, my Undifferentiated Spondyloarthropathy is 

in a flare-up and causing all sorts of internal inflammation as well as the normal arthritis issues.

I want to avoid adding another medication exsp. one that is so strong to my routine.

*This is not a diet. I don't expect to lose weight doing this. (Remember, my body is cray-cray and doesn't lose weight no matter what!) I am doing this to see if changing my diet will make me feel better.

When you feel bad and have no control over it, you are willing to give up some of the finer things in life (like

sno-cones

ice cream

and bread)


just to feel like a normal 30 year old woman!

So does anyone have any favorite recipes or websites to share?

Breakin' it Texas Style

Spring Break 2012!

T is for Toys R US.  The boys used some of their birthday money to get this Imaginext Castle! They have played and played! Extra thrill-rang up on SALE!

E is for eggs or cascarones. They had so much fun chasing Daddy and David around the backyard at Mimi's. She sent us back with another dozen we are going to save for Easter!

 

X is for the XTRA LARGE Rodeo we went to. We took the boys to the Houston Livestock and Rodeo again. This time we got tickets for the night time show and they had their first concert-The Band Perry. They asked to do 2 things; ride a horse and ride the Ferris Wheel. They really enjoyed watching the wagon races, the roping, and the...GULP...Ferris wheel. It was the ring of PURE TERROR! I earned a HUGE STAR on my mommy chart for this one. I'm not crazy about heights. The little cart rocking in the wind FREAKS me out. Brody kept telling me, "Don't be scared, mama." I was terrified and kept my eyes squeezed VERY TIGHTLY shut. 

A is for Arkansas. The boys spent the long weekend with their Gaga (Michael's mom) while we flew to Arkansas on Thursday. I toured a couple more preschools for the boys. We are on lots of wait lists so I'm keeping my fingers crossed! We also did a lot of house hunting. Possibly have found some ones we like. This is way harder when you have schoolagers in a year! What pressure!!

S is for a Sample of Blue Bell Ice Cream! We stopped at the factory for a tour on the way back home. The boys were the perfect age for this! They enjoyed all the machines and of course, the ice cream! Delish! We also pulled over to the side of the road for a bluebonnet photo shoot. 

The Preacher's Wife

I Linked in on Kelly's Show us Your Life: Minister's Wives.

I have been in married to a minister for 9 years. 

I have gone from the youth minister's girlfriend, to the youth minister's wife, and now to the preacher's wife.

It is actually an exciting season in ministry for us right now!

After 13 years of full-time youth ministry, we are moving into a new roll in a new state.

My husband will be following the calling of preaching ministry in Arkansas!

Not every "calling" is easy. Sometimes I want to "hang up."

Surrendering is not easy.

8 years ago Michael started to listen this calling. This started with 6 years getting his Masters of Divinity-80+ hr graduate degree!

For the last 2 years we have been patiently waiting for the right place for all of us.

We were intentionally waiting for a church that all 4 of us would be excited about being at.

How amazingly different this transition has been from the others!

With great peace and excitement we are beginning a new chapter!

Hut 1, Hut 2, Hut 3, HUT FOUR!

Be still my heart. My babies are 4!

The boys requested a FOOTBALL party. We love football! Dylan loves the Green Bay Packers and Brody roots for the Dallas Cowboys.

This year they knew exactly what they wanted.

They wanted it at the gym at church and they wanted Peter and his teammates to come. They wanted everyone to dress up for football and play football with the football players.

We go to every Friday Night Football game for the High School. The boys LOVE it and are their biggest fans.

I have been so busy that this party got away from me. 2 days before I needed to send out invitations, I emailed Snowbird designs for the invitations. She saved the day, designed the invite and I just printed it out on card stock.

For some reason, everything that could go wrong with this party... did. It was also right after I had to prep every baby item from birth to 4 for the Consignment Sale. If we weren't moving, I simply would have not done it this time. But...we are!

So it was a crazy whirlwind of events.

We only had 1.5 to set up the entire gym-tables and chairs, air castle, and all the decorations. 

So with that to say, I didn't get any before pics of the decorations and I didn't get half of the decorations put up.

                                                                            They had a great time. I only have a few pictures because our regular birthday picture taker (my sister) was sick and couldn't come.

We had a tailgate tent full of game day snacks (pop corn, chips, Football Oreos) and hot dogs on the grill.

The kids had a great time in the air castle, threw the footballs through this huge point tarp thing Michael made ( and I never got a picture of,) and made megaphones.

Lots of cute little football players and little cheerleaders!

Our dear friend, Lindi that has made their cakes for the Sesame Street and Lego parties made these precious football players and a delicious football.

TOUCHDOWN! Admiring all the gifts.

Sweet and generous friends.

Little Party Favors

* popcorn*

*football bouncy balls*

*football whistles*

 *football candy*

 Even GAGA wore her cheerleader outfit!

Mini Me

Brody has always loved reading the Bible. We would read out of his Bible every night and he would always ask for 1 more story. Last year the Easter Bunny brought each boy their own board book bible. (This is a long tradition of the Easter Bunny. I always got a new Bible on Easter, too.) WE HAVE LOVED THESE! They are able to read it all on their own and I don't have to worry about them breaking the spine or ripping the pages. Brody will compare the "translations" and find which book he likes the story best out of.  He even brings his Bible with him in the middle of the night if he comes to sleep on the floor of our room.

With Michael starting his new job, he has done a lot of packing in his office. While packing, he found these Bible action figures he bought ages ago. Anything action figure is right up our alley! Move over Batman and Superman. David and Joseph are here!
It has been hoot to watch the boys "play" out the stories! I have been AMAZED at how many details our little preacher remembers and can retell.

Brody loves to "remind" people of the rules, he can point his finger and tell you how it is, and he LOVES Bible Stories. I think Michael has a mini-me.

Beginning to Let. It. Go.

I have LOVED being Brody and Dylan's mom. In fact, I loved it so much that when they turned 1 I was ready to have more. Michael and I would even dream about how triplets would be. I had always wanted the kids to be close. 

May 2009-We begin trying. It took us 9 months to get pregnant with the boys so I was anticipating a long wait this time. I NEVER ANTICIPATED THIS.

Dec. 2009-I am 2 weeks late. I'm never late. Ever. It's actually Christmas Eve. I thought how precious would it be for the boys to come down Christmas Morning with BIG BROTHER shirts on?! So, I brought 2 Big Brother Shirts on Christmas Eve.

WE NEVER WORE THESE SHIRTS.

I just sold them in the consignment sale in 2012.

Letting go.

Jan. 2010- I call for an appointment with my OB/GYN. I have to wait until June.

My cycle is getting a little off.

Mar. 2010- My cycle is back like clockwork.

We are still dreaming of that sweet baby.

June 2010- FINALLY see the OB/GYN!

Begin the MULTITUDE of test.

No cervical cancer. 

No diabetes.

More test.

Started to gain weight. 5lbs.'

July 2010-Blood work still not showing what is up.

More test.

August 2010- Still testing.

Sept. 2010- Still testing.

October 2010- Blood work shows that my thyroid is a little low.

Labeled Hypothyroid.

Begin Medication.

Weight is up more. ugh. I am working out all the time! 

Dec. 2010- Still no baby.

And I have now gained almost 20lbs.

WHAT GIVES? I am doing everything the exact same?!

Feb. 2011- Feeling REALLY BAD-hot flashes, faint, nausea....

Could. I . Be Pregnant?

NO.

Thyroid has now swung the other way.

Stop Medication.

Make an appointment with an Endocrinologist.

April 2011- Endocrinologist appointment.

More test.

Little listening.

Back on same thyroid medication.

Weight gain advice- Eat less. Work out more.

Really?! So basically eat nothing because I am doing WW and not losing much.

May 2011- Period is late again.

Have the Endo test my blood for pregnancy while he's testing the thyroid.

His nurse is mean and ugly to me.

I'm not pregnant.

And I HATE PREGNANCY TEST. They make me really sad.

Crazy weird joint stiffness.

Hmm.

June 2011- I begin to have the hot flashes, dizziness, ect.

I stop the medication and make an appointment to see another Endocrinologist in Dallas.

August 2011- Lots of Listening at the Dallas Endocrinologist.

I have Hashimotos' Thyroiditis. An Autoimmune Disease so it won't just get better an go away.

Messes with weight, fatigue, and fertility. 

I have Androgen Excess Syndrome. 

Something that makes you lose hair-yes I'm balding. Middle weigh gain-I have a massive tummy. And jacks with your fertility. 

I have a severe Vitamin D deficiency.

Almost excited to have answers.

But there will be no baby until my thyroid levels out.

And this Androgen thing? What does that mean?

Here's 5 pills to take.

PS. Insurance doesn't cover. A Nice $1270 investment in my health.

October 2011- My hands are really aching. My knees ache. I have a lot of stiffness in my shoulders.

I'm 30. Why do I feel like I'm 60.

Weight is still coming. Surrendering to fatness.

Dallas Endo thinks there is a possibility of RA.

Thyroid is shrinking! goiter is smaller. Fatigue is better.

Weight is not. 

There is still not a baby.

In fact, not even a glimmer in my eye.

Arthritis? Another forever illness?

I am so over being sick.

I just miss that girl that could take care of 2 babies, work a full time job, be a minister's wife, and workout and look like it.

February 2012-Thyroid is almost better.

I have a lot of symptoms of PCOS, but not yet ready to label it that. 

Start another medication for insulin resistance.

See the Rheumatologist.

I have  UNDIFFERENTIATED SPONDYLOARTHROPATHY

Arthritis at 30.

I have symptoms of all the ones in that family.

And it isn't just joint aches.

It causes internal inflammation in all sorts of the body.

Not just achy joints.

And currently I am in a flare up or it is getting worse.

I am not taking anything for any of this because we are STILL waiting for that baby.

Mar. 2012

I can't help but feel like I need to mourn.

I have lost who I was.

I will never be that girl in the home movies and pictures that was so energized, fit, and healthy.

I am swollen, on all sorts of medications (9 currently), and feeling broken.

That hope for a baby is so far away I can't even see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I am broken.

I work really hard to not let this win. I have worked really hard to not let this change me. 

I need to let the old me go.

I need to figure out who I am going to be as a mother and wife with these chronic illnesses and diseases.

The logical part of me needs to let our baby go.

But,

I just can't do that, yet.